Around the beginning of August, 2008, Mary Frye's oldest son got married. There was a small wedding in a local church between the two young lovers, and Mary Frye couldn't be more proud. She certainly approved of the girl, her family, the wedding, and left Oklahoma with a smile on her face, knowing her son was in good hands. Upon returning home from the event, her doctor found abnormal lumps where they shouldn't be. Tests were run, and her good mood quieted down and made room for a more pressing emotion - concern. Around mid August, Mary Frye was diagnosed with breast cancer. "My first thought was, would I be around to see my grandchildren? How would my husband and daughter react? How am I going to care for them if I'm always sick from the chemo?"
Mary Frye was nervous and full of apprehension as she approached Rhode Island Hospital, the building she knew she'd be going to every week for the next 8 months. She ran her fingers through her dirty blond hair, knowing that she wouldn't be able to in a few weeks. She knew that her complexion would change from its healthy glow to a hallow, pallid shade, and that her average build would thin out from sickness.Nevertheless, she walked into the building sure that she would see this to the end and come out fighting. She wouldn't let breast cancer knock her off her feet. "The atmosphere of the room where I had my chemotherapy treatments was very gloomy, it felt like death. But I was determined to push the dark clouds away and bring hope to all the women in there. I wasn't going to let cancer conquer me" she says "I had cancer, but cancer didn't have me."
While it's true that her inner strength was astounding, the harsh chemotherapy took a toll on Mary's body. "I'd go in for chemo on a Thursday, and be sick until Tuesday. I was constantly on a roller coaster of highs and lows." At the time, Mary was working in the public school system at an elementary school. She had to take the entire year off, as was her doctors orders. "I couldn't be around children because I could easily get germs from them, and with a compromised immune system, that could have killed me." Even when going out to the grocery store, she says, she would have to wear a mask. Thankfully, her precautions seemed to work. While she didn't get sick from anything she could have caught from another person, she did get sick from the chemo itself. "There's no way to describe how chemo makes you sick. I'd wake up in the morning and not be able to get out of bed. I'd know it was going to be a sick day the moment I woke up." All while this was happening, though, Mary was working through reasons to keep on going, reasons to not give up her fight.
Over the course of the next year, Mary Frye became a stronger person. "I feel like cancer changed my life to the good. It made me realize that a devastating diagnosis like this doesn't have to destroy your life. It makes you appreciate life more, you don't take things for granted." Her positivity and willingness to persevere paid off. After 8 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation, and 3 blood transfusions, Mary Frye was officially cancer free August 2009. Since her recovery, Mary Frye's health has returned completely."I live my life knowing that this could come back, that I could hear this diagnosis again. I live one day at a time and I've stopped taking anything or anyone for granted."
Post Write
I've added more of a description of my subject near the beginning of the paper to add to the readers experience and paint a better picture of her before and after chemo. I feel like just these few added sentences significantly improved my essay. I've also added a little bit more of a description of her now, to emphasize that she's recovered and healthy and thus add more closure to my essay.
Do you feel like I've explained her nowadays in enough detail? Does my paper properly explain that she's well now?
Is the description of the subject detailed enough, can you picture the kind of woman she is healthy as well as the woman she was while on chemo?
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Profile First Draft
Around the beginning of August, 2008, Mary Frye's oldest son got married. There was a small wedding in a local church between the two young lovers, and Mary Frye couldn't be more proud. She certainly approved of the girl, her family, the wedding, and left Oklahoma with a smile on her face, knowing her son was in good hands. Upon returning home from the event, her doctor found abnormal lumps where they shouldn't be. Tests were run, and her good mood quieted down and made room for a more pressing emotion - concern. Around mid August, Mary Frye was diagnosed with breast cancer. "My first thought was, would I be around to see my grandchildren? How would my husband and daughter react? How am I going to care for them if I'm always sick from the chemo?"
Mary Frye was nervous and full of apprehension as she approached Rhode Island Hospital, the building she knew she'd be going to every week for the next 8 months. She ran her fingers through her dirty blond hair, knowing that she wouldn't be able to in a few weeks. Nevertheless, she walked into the building sure that she would see this to the end and come out fighting. She wouldn't let breast cancer knock her off her feet. "The atmosphere of the room where I had my chemotherapy treatments was very gloomy, it felt like death. But I was determined to push the dark clouds away and bring hope to all the women in there. I wasn't going to let cancer conquer me" she says "I had cancer, but cancer didn't have me."
While it's true that her inner strength was astounding, the harsh chemotherapy took a toll on Mary's body. "I'd go in for chemo on a Thursday, and be sick until Tuesday. I was constantly on a roller coaster of highs and lows." At the time, Mary was working in the public school system at an elementary school. She had to take the entire year off, as was her doctors orders. "I couldn't be around children because I could easily get germs from them, and with a compromised immune system, that could have killed me." Even when going out to the grocery store, she says, she would have to wear a mask. Thankfully, her precautions seemed to work. While she didn't get sick from anything she could have caught from another person, she did get sick from the chemo itself. "There's no way to describe how chemo makes you sick. I'd wake up in the morning and not be able to get out of bed. I'd know it was going to be a sick day the moment I woke up." All while this was happening, though, Mary was working through reasons to keep on going, reasons to not give up her fight.
Over the course of the next year, Mary Frye became a stronger person. "I feel like cancer changed my life to the good. It made me realize that a devastating diagnosis like this doesn't have to destroy your life. It makes you appreciate life more, you don't take things for granted." Her positivity and willingness to persevere paid off. After 8 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation, and 3 blood transfusions, Mary Frye was officially cancer free August 2009. "I live my life knowing that this could come back, that I could hear this diagnosis again. I live one day at a time and I've stopped taking anything or anyone for granted."
Mary Frye was nervous and full of apprehension as she approached Rhode Island Hospital, the building she knew she'd be going to every week for the next 8 months. She ran her fingers through her dirty blond hair, knowing that she wouldn't be able to in a few weeks. Nevertheless, she walked into the building sure that she would see this to the end and come out fighting. She wouldn't let breast cancer knock her off her feet. "The atmosphere of the room where I had my chemotherapy treatments was very gloomy, it felt like death. But I was determined to push the dark clouds away and bring hope to all the women in there. I wasn't going to let cancer conquer me" she says "I had cancer, but cancer didn't have me."
While it's true that her inner strength was astounding, the harsh chemotherapy took a toll on Mary's body. "I'd go in for chemo on a Thursday, and be sick until Tuesday. I was constantly on a roller coaster of highs and lows." At the time, Mary was working in the public school system at an elementary school. She had to take the entire year off, as was her doctors orders. "I couldn't be around children because I could easily get germs from them, and with a compromised immune system, that could have killed me." Even when going out to the grocery store, she says, she would have to wear a mask. Thankfully, her precautions seemed to work. While she didn't get sick from anything she could have caught from another person, she did get sick from the chemo itself. "There's no way to describe how chemo makes you sick. I'd wake up in the morning and not be able to get out of bed. I'd know it was going to be a sick day the moment I woke up." All while this was happening, though, Mary was working through reasons to keep on going, reasons to not give up her fight.
Over the course of the next year, Mary Frye became a stronger person. "I feel like cancer changed my life to the good. It made me realize that a devastating diagnosis like this doesn't have to destroy your life. It makes you appreciate life more, you don't take things for granted." Her positivity and willingness to persevere paid off. After 8 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation, and 3 blood transfusions, Mary Frye was officially cancer free August 2009. "I live my life knowing that this could come back, that I could hear this diagnosis again. I live one day at a time and I've stopped taking anything or anyone for granted."
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Application Essay Second Draft
Describe a personal experience that has profoundly changed your perspective on an issue of regional, national, or international importance. In what way has this event impacted your previous perspective? How will it change your approach to this issue (or similar issues) in the future? (UCLA, undergraduate application from Writing in the Works page 146)
When I was 14, my parents decided to take me out of public school. At the time, I was very against the idea of it. I was very against the idea of it, being the rebellious teenager that I was. At the time I felt that uniforms were entirely too oppressive. After going to New England Christian academy (a private school that required students to dress in uniform) for four years, I can honestly say that the uniforms helped me in ways I could have never seen at the time. My opinion of uniforms in general has changed drastically, and thanks to my experience, I will now vote in favor of them from now on.
Middle school and high school aged children are going through an odd time in their lives. They're trying so hard to fit in but still stand out in their own way. A lot of kids try to either wear crazy styles or expensive brand name clothes. The unlucky bunch of kids that are still stuck wearing whatever their parents force them to wear are usually judged by their peers for it. This sort of judgment can leave some kids out and hurt their social development. When I was forced to wear the same uniform as everyone around me at school, I found that it was easier to get out of that horrible routine because that possibility of judgment wasn't even present.
How someone dresses shows a lot about them. When you take that away from kids, they have to learn to make their personalities and interests be what sets them aside from everyone else. For example, you might see a young person in expensive clothing and immediately think they must be popular. A popular clique might start because they all dress the same or shop at the same expensive store. With uniforms, the only kids that are popular are the ones that are actually fun to talk to and be around, the ones that are actually charismatic.
Without a doubt, having to actually wear uniforms for myself has changed my perspective on the subject greatly. When I was younger, before I had worn them myself, I was completely against them in favor of dressing how I want as a form of expressing myself. As I grew up and went through high school wearing a uniform, I came to understand it from a better perspective. I came to understand that having a uniform removes a good deal of judgment that kids that age can bring on each other. I also realized that wearing uniforms gives young adults more of a chance to develop their personalities to stand out in a crowd. I'll definately been in favor of children wearing uniforms while in school in the future.
When I was 14, my parents decided to take me out of public school. At the time, I was very against the idea of it. I was very against the idea of it, being the rebellious teenager that I was. At the time I felt that uniforms were entirely too oppressive. After going to New England Christian academy (a private school that required students to dress in uniform) for four years, I can honestly say that the uniforms helped me in ways I could have never seen at the time. My opinion of uniforms in general has changed drastically, and thanks to my experience, I will now vote in favor of them from now on.
Middle school and high school aged children are going through an odd time in their lives. They're trying so hard to fit in but still stand out in their own way. A lot of kids try to either wear crazy styles or expensive brand name clothes. The unlucky bunch of kids that are still stuck wearing whatever their parents force them to wear are usually judged by their peers for it. This sort of judgment can leave some kids out and hurt their social development. When I was forced to wear the same uniform as everyone around me at school, I found that it was easier to get out of that horrible routine because that possibility of judgment wasn't even present.
How someone dresses shows a lot about them. When you take that away from kids, they have to learn to make their personalities and interests be what sets them aside from everyone else. For example, you might see a young person in expensive clothing and immediately think they must be popular. A popular clique might start because they all dress the same or shop at the same expensive store. With uniforms, the only kids that are popular are the ones that are actually fun to talk to and be around, the ones that are actually charismatic.
Without a doubt, having to actually wear uniforms for myself has changed my perspective on the subject greatly. When I was younger, before I had worn them myself, I was completely against them in favor of dressing how I want as a form of expressing myself. As I grew up and went through high school wearing a uniform, I came to understand it from a better perspective. I came to understand that having a uniform removes a good deal of judgment that kids that age can bring on each other. I also realized that wearing uniforms gives young adults more of a chance to develop their personalities to stand out in a crowd. I'll definately been in favor of children wearing uniforms while in school in the future.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Application Essay First Draft
Describe a personal experience that has profoundly changed your perspective on an issue of regional, national, or international importance. In what way has this event impacted your previous perspective? How will it change your approach to this issue (or similar issues) in the future?
When I was 14, my parents decided to take me out of public school. At the time, I was very against the idea of it. Being the rebellious teenager that I was, I felt that uniforms were entirely too oppressive. After being in a private school for four years, I can honestly say that the uniforms helped me in ways I could have never seen at the time. My opinion of uniforms in general has changed drastically, and thanks to my experience, I will now vote in favor of them from now on.
Middle school and high school aged children are going through an odd time in their lives where they're trying so hard to fit in but still stand out in their own way. A lot of kids try to either wear crazy styles or expensive brand name clothes. The unlucky bunch of kids that are still stuck wearing whatever their parents force them to wear are usually judged by their peers for it. This sort of judgment can leave some kids out and hurt their social development. When I was forced to wear the same uniform as everyone around me at school, I found that it was easier to get out of that horrible routine because that possibility of judgment wasn't even present.
To go a step further, I'd argue that having kids wear uniforms helps them to develop their personalities even more. How someone dresses shows a lot about them. When you take that away from kids, they have to learn to make their personalities and interests be what sets them aside from everyone else. For example, you might see a young person in expensive clothing and immediately think they must be popular. A popular clique might start because they all dress the same or shop at the same expensive store. With uniforms, the only kids that are popular are the ones that are actually fun to talk to and be around, the ones that are actually charismatic.
Without a doubt, having to actually wear uniforms for myself has changed my perspective on the subject greatly. When I was younger, before I had worn them myself, I was completely against them in favor of dressing how I want as a form of expressing myself. As I grew up and went through high school wearing a uniform, I came to understand it from a better perspective. I came to understand that having a uniform removes a good deal of judgment that kids that age can bring on each other. I also realized that wearing uniforms gives young adults more of a chance to develop their personalities to stand out in a crowd. I'll definately been in favor of children wearing uniforms while in school in the future.
When I was 14, my parents decided to take me out of public school. At the time, I was very against the idea of it. Being the rebellious teenager that I was, I felt that uniforms were entirely too oppressive. After being in a private school for four years, I can honestly say that the uniforms helped me in ways I could have never seen at the time. My opinion of uniforms in general has changed drastically, and thanks to my experience, I will now vote in favor of them from now on.
Middle school and high school aged children are going through an odd time in their lives where they're trying so hard to fit in but still stand out in their own way. A lot of kids try to either wear crazy styles or expensive brand name clothes. The unlucky bunch of kids that are still stuck wearing whatever their parents force them to wear are usually judged by their peers for it. This sort of judgment can leave some kids out and hurt their social development. When I was forced to wear the same uniform as everyone around me at school, I found that it was easier to get out of that horrible routine because that possibility of judgment wasn't even present.
To go a step further, I'd argue that having kids wear uniforms helps them to develop their personalities even more. How someone dresses shows a lot about them. When you take that away from kids, they have to learn to make their personalities and interests be what sets them aside from everyone else. For example, you might see a young person in expensive clothing and immediately think they must be popular. A popular clique might start because they all dress the same or shop at the same expensive store. With uniforms, the only kids that are popular are the ones that are actually fun to talk to and be around, the ones that are actually charismatic.
Without a doubt, having to actually wear uniforms for myself has changed my perspective on the subject greatly. When I was younger, before I had worn them myself, I was completely against them in favor of dressing how I want as a form of expressing myself. As I grew up and went through high school wearing a uniform, I came to understand it from a better perspective. I came to understand that having a uniform removes a good deal of judgment that kids that age can bring on each other. I also realized that wearing uniforms gives young adults more of a chance to develop their personalities to stand out in a crowd. I'll definately been in favor of children wearing uniforms while in school in the future.
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