Around the beginning of August, 2008, Mary Frye's oldest son got married. There was a small wedding in a local church between the two young lovers, and Mary Frye couldn't be more proud. She certainly approved of the girl, her family, the wedding, and left Oklahoma with a smile on her face, knowing her son was in good hands. Upon returning home from the event, her doctor found abnormal lumps where they shouldn't be. Tests were run, and her good mood quieted down and made room for a more pressing emotion - concern. Around mid August, Mary Frye was diagnosed with breast cancer. "My first thought was, would I be around to see my grandchildren? How would my husband and daughter react? How am I going to care for them if I'm always sick from the chemo?"
Mary Frye was nervous and full of apprehension as she approached Rhode Island Hospital, the building she knew she'd be going to every week for the next 8 months. She ran her fingers through her dirty blond hair, knowing that she wouldn't be able to in a few weeks. Nevertheless, she walked into the building sure that she would see this to the end and come out fighting. She wouldn't let breast cancer knock her off her feet. "The atmosphere of the room where I had my chemotherapy treatments was very gloomy, it felt like death. But I was determined to push the dark clouds away and bring hope to all the women in there. I wasn't going to let cancer conquer me" she says "I had cancer, but cancer didn't have me."
While it's true that her inner strength was astounding, the harsh chemotherapy took a toll on Mary's body. "I'd go in for chemo on a Thursday, and be sick until Tuesday. I was constantly on a roller coaster of highs and lows." At the time, Mary was working in the public school system at an elementary school. She had to take the entire year off, as was her doctors orders. "I couldn't be around children because I could easily get germs from them, and with a compromised immune system, that could have killed me." Even when going out to the grocery store, she says, she would have to wear a mask. Thankfully, her precautions seemed to work. While she didn't get sick from anything she could have caught from another person, she did get sick from the chemo itself. "There's no way to describe how chemo makes you sick. I'd wake up in the morning and not be able to get out of bed. I'd know it was going to be a sick day the moment I woke up." All while this was happening, though, Mary was working through reasons to keep on going, reasons to not give up her fight.
Over the course of the next year, Mary Frye became a stronger person. "I feel like cancer changed my life to the good. It made me realize that a devastating diagnosis like this doesn't have to destroy your life. It makes you appreciate life more, you don't take things for granted." Her positivity and willingness to persevere paid off. After 8 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation, and 3 blood transfusions, Mary Frye was officially cancer free August 2009. "I live my life knowing that this could come back, that I could hear this diagnosis again. I live one day at a time and I've stopped taking anything or anyone for granted."
Reviewer’s Name: Barry Rose
ReplyDeleteDate: 10-17-11
Partner’s Name and Title of Paper Reviewed: Ashley Frye / Profile
In your own words, fully and with precision, describe what the assignment is asking the writer (your partner) to do? Please use your own words rather than merely quote from the assignment.
The assignment asks for a “portrait in words.” What this means is a story of a person that has an interesting story about their life. It should include anecdotes to help explain who the person is. Also in the essay should be factual information and a good physical description of who you are talking about. Quotes are also expected to help express exactly how the subject feels about certain situations that happen in their lives. The assignment should be between 500 and 700 words and have an engaging lead, a solid nut graf, and a strong final impression.
To what extent has your partner met the expectations of the assignment? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what works well there. Again, try to use your own words.
My partner uses great quotes to help explain exactly how her subject feels. At the end of the first paragraph she says “My first thought was, would I be around to see my grandchildren? How would my husband and daughter react? How am I going to care for them if I’m always sick from the chemo?” This quote brings you right into the mind of her subject. She also uses a good anecdote in the second paragraph, along with another quote to help describe the story. “She ran her fingers through her dirty blond hair, knowing that she wouldn’t be able to in a few weeks. Nevertheless, she walked into the building sure that she would see this to the end and come out fighting.” “The atmosphere of the room where I had my chemotherapy treatments was very gloomy, it felt like death. But I was determined to push the dark clouds away and bring hope to all the women in there. I wasn’t going to let cancer conquer me. I had cancer, cancer didn’t have me.” She also ends her paper with a strong quote to give a great final impression of her subject. In the last paragraph she says “I live my life knowing that this could come back, that I could hear this diagnosis again. I live one day at a time and I’ve stopped taking anything or anyone for granted.”
What area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
One are she needs to work into the assignment is a physical description. The only vision of the subject is in paragraph 2, “she ran her fingers through her dirty blond hair.” Nothing else is given in the paper. What body type is she? Is she tall or short? Just a few more descriptions would help see who your subject is.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
One question I have is what does your subject look like. You give a good idea of the person she is, but nothing of what she looks like. Another question I have is how does your subject feel today? You tell me she is cancer free, but how is her overall health? Is she able to do all the things she was before her diagnosis, or are there still things she must do to stay healthy?
One suggestion I have is to add more of a description where you tell us about her hair. You begin to see her, then you give no other descriptions.
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ReplyDeleteI feel like the flow of my paper really works. Like I stayed on task and on subject throughout the whole thing well. I also feel like I really worked quotes from my interview in well. What remains to be done, though, would maybe be adding a better conclusion to the paper. I think in my second draft, I will add more closure to it at the end.
Do I have too many quotes? Do you feel like the ending to my paper brought enough closure to the topic? Did I make it clear just how painful the chemo was and how powerful it was that she stayed strong through her treatments?