Profile Second Draft

Around the beginning of August, 2008, Mary Frye's oldest son got married. There was a small wedding in a local church between the two young lovers, and Mary Frye couldn't be more proud. She certainly approved of the girl, her family, the wedding, and left Oklahoma with a smile on her face, knowing her son was in good hands. Upon returning home from the event, her doctor found abnormal lumps where they shouldn't be. Tests were run, and her good mood quieted down and made room for a more pressing emotion - concern. Around mid August, Mary Frye was diagnosed with breast cancer. "My first thought was, would I be around to see my grandchildren? How would my husband and daughter react? How am I going to care for them if I'm always sick from the chemo?"

    Mary Frye was nervous and full of apprehension as she approached Rhode Island Hospital, the building she knew she'd be going to every week for the next 8 months. She ran her fingers through her dirty blond hair, knowing that she wouldn't be able to in a few weeks. She knew that her complexion would change from its healthy glow to a hallow, pallid shade, and that her average build would thin out from sickness.Nevertheless, she walked into the building sure that she would see this to the end and come out fighting. She wouldn't let breast cancer knock her off her feet. "The atmosphere of the room where I had my chemotherapy treatments was very gloomy, it felt like death. But I was determined to push the dark clouds away and bring hope to all the women in there. I wasn't going to let cancer conquer me" she says "I had cancer, but cancer didn't have me."

 While it's true that her inner strength was astounding, the harsh chemotherapy took a toll on Mary's body. "I'd go in for chemo on a Thursday, and be sick until Tuesday. I was constantly on a roller coaster of highs and lows." At the time, Mary was working in the public school system at an elementary school. She had to take the entire year off, as was her doctors orders. "I couldn't be around children because I could easily get germs from them, and with a compromised immune system, that could have killed me." Even when going out to the grocery store, she says, she would have to wear a mask. Thankfully, her precautions seemed to work. While she didn't get sick from anything she could have caught from another person, she did get sick from the chemo itself. "There's no way to describe how chemo makes you sick. I'd wake up in the morning and not be able to get out of bed. I'd know it was going to be a sick day the moment I woke up." All while this was happening, though, Mary was working through reasons to keep on going, reasons to not give up her fight.

    Over the course of the next year, Mary Frye became a stronger person. "I feel like cancer changed my life to the good. It made me realize that a devastating diagnosis like this doesn't have to destroy your life. It makes you appreciate life more, you don't take things for granted." Her positivity and willingness to persevere paid off. After 8 months of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of radiation, and 3 blood transfusions, Mary Frye was officially cancer free August 2009. Since her recovery, Mary Frye's health has returned completely."I live my life knowing that this could come back, that I could hear this diagnosis again. I live one day at a time and I've stopped taking anything or anyone for granted."

Post Write
I've added more of a description of my subject near the beginning of the paper to add to the readers experience and paint a better picture of her before and after chemo. I feel like just these few added sentences significantly improved my essay. I've also added a little bit more of a description of her now, to emphasize that she's recovered and healthy and thus add more closure to my essay.
Do you feel like I've explained her nowadays in enough detail? Does my paper properly explain that she's well now?
Is the description of the subject detailed enough, can you picture the kind of woman she is healthy as well as the woman she was while on chemo?