To begin with, science is one of the most elegant subjects there is to study. Whether it be chemistry, physics, biology, or what have you, the uses are staggering. With the aid of objective scientific study, cures to any disease you can image can become reality, the world around us can be understood, and life can improve as we develop our understanding and expertise in any field of science. Studying any aspect of science can and will change the way the mind processes anything, adding depth and rationality to anyone's worldview.
Without math, science would not exist. Science and math go hand in hand, as math is the tool we use to explain everything we come to understand in the scientific world. Whatever the eye cannot see and observe, math can explain by painting a different sort of picture with equations. Math provides the sort of unchanging exactness that science requires. Upon realizing this, math can actually be seen as a very admirable subject. I was once interviewing my calculus teacher for an english class. I asked her why she loved math so much, and with a gaze that showed nothing but deep appreciation for the subject and a million thoughts rushing through her mind and showing in her eyes, she told me "...because it's just so unchanging. It's beautiful in a poetic way."
In conclusion, I believe that math and science are worthy of passion, not boredom. Only the ignorant feel that their uses are limited. With a firm understanding of math and science, the world becomes your playground. With science, our world can be understood with a degree of precision and objectivity. With math, what we come to hypothesize can be proven and understood further. I believe that if my peers were to take these subjects with the respect and awe they deserve, we would all be a bit better off.
I liked this paragraph. She really emphasized the importance of math and science, and the way she wrote it I could really sense her passion coming through.
ReplyDeleteWhat area needs more work? Why? Please pick a passage as illustration and describe what isn’t working.
-I can't tell you how many times I've walked into a science or math class just to hear one of my peers complain about how "we'll never use this when we grow up." Whenever I hear this, a million counter arguments run through my mind. I feel so strongly about the usefulness of math and science, that this complaint is one of the very few things that get me very angry incredibly fast. It's this sort of collective ignorance that will ruin the minds of the youth. If only others my age would open their thoughts to the poetry of reality that is science and the language of the world that is math, wonderful changes would come about to my generations sense of awe and appreciation for everything that can be studied.
This is a good opening paragraph, however I feel that her belief wasn’t stated clearly enough. I read the entire paper with some confusion until the very end where she stated her belief, this time more clearly. I then re-read her paper, this time with the full understanding of what her belief actually was. I think, to make her paper stronger, it would be better to state her belief clearly in the first paragraph setting a solid and clear foundation for the rest of the paper.
- I asked her why she loved math so much, and with a gaze that showed nothing but deep appreciation for the subject and a million thoughts rushing through her mind and showing in her eyes, she told me "...because it's just so unchanging. It's beautiful in a poetic way."
I liked the use of a quotation from one of her teachers, but it wasn’t really used effectively. She sort of used her teacher’s belief as support for her own, which isn’t needed. A belief is a belief; you don’t need evidence to prove that. Now if she had taken the quotation and used it in a way that really just sort of reiterated and solidified what was just said. Like, “here’s a sentence describing why I love math” comma “it’s like what my old calculus teacher once said” quotation. Or something like that, hopefully that will make sense.
Please indicate TWO questions about the draft and at least ONE suggestion for ways to improve it.
I have a question and suggestion combined, it’s about her belief again and the way she stated it. In the beginning she sort of half states her belief “I feel so strongly about the usefulness of math and science”, and at the end she says, “I believe that math and science are worthy of passion, not boredom”. Which is it? Stick to one statement of belief.
Where did you get this passion for math and science? After all this is your belief. Tell the reader why or how you came to believe it.
Post-Write
ReplyDeleteSo far, I feel that I've done pretty well for a rough draft. There's still work to be done, gaps to fill, ideas to explore further, and so on. For a start, though, I feel that I've started a decent paper that explores my ideas about the subject well enough. I think that I need to develop my paragraph about math a little more and run further with the details. If I had to ask any readers of this piece a question, I would ask them this: Do you feel any sort of connection to my subject? Because it's something I feel strongly about and I don't think any amount of words can convery that completely, but my aim was to establish some sort of connection between the reader and the importance of math and science, and just how beautiful those subjects can be.